Class Reunion — Epilogue

The ghost is dead and its demise was painless.

I have returned from the 35th reunion of my Harvard Law School class, and the specters I had conjured up over these many years, of "not belonging," were finally and easily laid to rest.

I gathered with my former classmates, imbibed an occasional cup of good cheer and relished the opportunity to exchange tales of long ago at the School and of the happenings in our lives since then.

The current group of professors I met all seemed extremely youthful. In attending a class in torts I was struck by the fact that fully one-third of the class were women, there was little tension showing on the faces of the students, and the professor supplied some answers rather than only the questions. Times had changed since my day!

My former classmates all seemed to have achieved a large measure of success in their chosen fields. Many of them had become Judges in various levels of State and Federal Courts, and among us was a former Dean of Harvard Law School, as well as a former President of Yale University. Most of the others had achieved senior status in large, prestigious law firms around the country or were high-ranking executives of leading corporations.

But the earlier deference and awe I had felt toward professors and classmates were replaced by mutual respect and congeniality.

It was amazing how many of those successful men seemed to regard me with a touch of envy when I told them I had substantially retired from the practice of law and was seeking other areas of personal growth to explore.

So what happened to those feelings of not belonging that I had harbored for those many years?

It is obvious to me, now, that those erstwhile concerns were solely based on my own insecurities — nothing else. The difference between feeling 'at home' and 'not belonging' had all been within me — my state of mind. At this stage of my life I feel comfortable with myself, and no longer feel inadequate.

Ironically, while at the school and during law school days I had achieved superior grades and felt inferior. At the reunion I was struck by the fact that fully one-third of the class were women, there was little tension showing on the faces of the students, and the professor supplied some answers rather than only the questions.

How often do we do this kind of number on ourselves! How often do we entertain a poor self-image totally unwarranted by the facts and objective criteria!

I was fearful of attending the reunion because of those old feelings. Fortunately, I forced myself to go and dispelled at last those unrealistic feelings of inadequacy.

How often have we tortured and immobilized ourselves with fears of an impending event. If only we could persuade ourselves that there may be a price to pay for achieving what generally is deemed success. I reflect on the 'trips' laid on children by loving parents who channel them into becoming doctors, dentists, lawyers, et al. for reasons best known only to said parents.

Some of such parental pressures to achieve are subtle, indeed, but they can be just as detrimental to the personal happiness of the child as they are well-meaning.

At my table during the dinner dance, the reunion weekend was a very successful classmate who is a prominent Washington, DC, lawyer. In response to his inquiry I informed him that I had retired from the practice of law and, among other things, was writing a monthly column, gratis, on any topic I chose. He looked at me and said, simply, "I have never done anything I really wanted to do." It was for me the most poignant moment at the reunion.

I really don't know the answers to these questions. I suppose each of us must supply his own solutions. But this I do know: That I envied no man there and among them, you can bet, were some noteworthy achievers.

For me the reunion was a huge success. Some of the things I learned were more valuable to my well-being than the legal knowledge I had amassed at that same, esteemed citadel of learning some 35 years earlier.